“It is more important to know what sort of person has a disease than to know what sort of disease a person has.”
Not all abusers are narcissists, but all narcissists are abusive. My abuser, like the majority of such men, has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This disorder often exists alongside other problems. NPD is seldom diagnosed as this personality type seldom seeks help or advice, mainly because they see themselves as unique, perfect & better than anyone else.
There is a wealth of high quality information on NPD which is freely available elsewhere. Some knowledge of NPD has helped me gain some understanding as to why my abuser behaves as he does without remorse. Once again, I stress that I have the luxury of being able to ponder these things now. Understanding will not help to improve/change/fix an abusive person or situation.
Most people have the following traits, but in a person with NPD 5 or more of these traits dominate the personality, & cannot be controlled. While the rest of us might experience these traits as moods, feelings or phases, they are magnified & drive the behaviour or actions of a person with NPD
- Narcissistic Personality Disorders - Symptoms/characteristics/traits
- Arrogance - Shows haughty behaviour/attitude
- Grandiosity - Exaggerates talents/achievements - Expects to be treated as superior even without actual achievements
- Preoccupation with success/fantasies - of success, power, beauty or ideal love
- Lacks empathy - Doesn't identify with the feelings & needs of others
- Requires excessive admiration - Chases & needs to be elevated by others
- Is exploitative of others - Takes advantage of others for own ends
- Believes he is special /unique - That he should only associate with high status people/organisations, & can only be understood by other special or elevated people
- Envious of others/believes others are envious of him
- Very strong sense of entitlement - Unreasonably expects to be treated favourably by others/expects people to obey him or behave as he expects.